More Book Stooffs

I swear! Galit always finds the best tags -.-

This time it’s another book-nerdy one. Because I feel like a lazy little shit for not posting, but I melted my brain somewhere towards the last two paragraphs of my finals that I submitted roughly an hour before they were do. *awards self with master procrastinator badge.*

So…..

Would you rather…

Read only trilogies or stand alones?

Honestly, I’d rather read stand alones. I have a problem stopping a book even if I don’t like it, so if it’s a stand-alone I’m only reading one bad book instead of three.

Read only male or female authors? Hmm while most of the regular, every day books I pick up are written by female authors (Sucker for the paranormal romance genre here.) All of my favorites seem to be written by dudelies. So with Scott Westerfield being the tie breaker, I’m breaking the pattern here and saying male.

Shop at bookshops or online?

Oh god, I love book stores but I think I have to say online, just so that I can afford more!

All books become movies or t.v. shows?

Neither? I’ve seen very very few (read, none.) books that I thought they really nailed on screen. That being said, t.v. shows because most of my favorite anime are adapted from manga. And I feel it gives the creators more time to delve into the plot and all the little details that make books awesome.

Read 5 pages per day or 5 books per week?

Ideally 5 books a week, though I think my daughter might end up starving to death if I did ^.^

Be a professional reviewer or author?

Being a professional reviewery person, I’m not much of a writer but I feel that I read enough to really know when a book is well written, and I think I’m pretty decent at politely saying when something sucks.

Only read your top 20 favorite books over and over or always read new ones that you haven’t read before?

Whoever thought this up, I hate you. This is bad. bad bad bad. But since an answer is required, I’m going with always new ones because, duh. *Plus* most of my favorites are classics so I could probably find some decent adaptations/abridged- type things

Be a librarian or bookseller?

Librarian, I just love the vibe good libraries give off and I feel my social anxiety would be better suited to the more relaxed and subdued setting of a library vs a place like BAM where it seems like they never have enough employees to get everything done.

Only read your favorite genre, or every genre except your favorite?

Only my favorite, I’m a picky little shit so I don’t think I would handle being banned from my paranormals very well.

Only read physical books or eBooks?

Phhhhhttttttfffffshhhhhhh I’m avidly anti-e-reader so again, duh. I’ll just through my book in my bag if I want to read while I’m out. True story:  one time my parents dragged me to a huge picnic/bbq/party that I didn’t want to go to so I sat in a corner and read hitchhikers guide to the galaxy until we left and refused to speak.

Whoever’s tagged because that’s how tags work. ^.^

Further proof that I’m a bad person. Plus, miley cyrus doesn’t count as a celebrity…or you know, a human being.

You Know What Fuck IT I LIED!!!!!

I’ll keep linking thursday video’s as long as I goddamn want to! Hopefully that link will work, It’s not done uploading yet. But really it’s just the easiest way to sum up the day I’ve had. Plus a bunch of people told me they like my videos so if you don’t then NYAHHH you can just go suck a rattlesnake penis. *shrugs* maybe a cobra if that’s what you’re more into.

I will say one thing.

I’ve purchased a red lipstick. Well to be technically accurate Josh said he wanted me to buy some makeupies for myself while we were grocery shopping so I threw it in the cart and he payed for it….

And I LOVE IT! Words can not describe the adoration I feel for this color! I like it enough to bother re-applying it after I’m done kissing the smidglet! (Bonus: She gets bright red kissy lips all over her tiny baby face!)

It brings out my inner badass XD

But seriously, I had no idea a color could be such a confidence boost!

Like,

With red lips,

I could actually go outside.

I can talk to people on the phone.

I CAN ALMOST MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT

I’m Invincible ^.^

*Strikes wonder woman pose complete with blanket cape, wait did she have a cape? I honestly never liked her so I can’t remember* Oh god….

But Yes. I feel quite sassehhh

Look, I even selfied! That’s how wretchedly confident I feel right now!

Ah well I’m done for now, I shall speak at ye later. Bai

Ps. Sam I sawed that nomnomination and shall get around to it post-soonish!

O.O Holy Fuck.

I bought clothes. So many clothes. o.o I spent so much money *is in a state of shock* I spent so much money. Me. Who refuses to buy new socks until the holes in the bottoms are big enough to eat my ankle/toes…… *buries face in hands* I feel horrible for spending that much money but Josh told me to….. And I know he wanted me to buy shorts (mine don’t fit since I’ve started eating food again and they’re a bit….risque?) Holy fuck.

So… How much does $140 go on this girl?

I got:

Four pairs of shorts.

Two camisoles.

Two plain basic scoop-neck T’s

Two band T’s

Two packs of bracelets

One Hair-bow

One Sticker for my car

Two bottles of Bath and Body Works body cream

One Bath and Body Works fragrance mist (not the perfume but the tall bottles that smell a bit lighter? those)

And Two buttons for my bag.

I know that not all of those are clothes but that’s where it all went. o.o Is that a lot???? I think it is. I mean I think I got enough for my money considering I only went to the mall. Four pairs of shorts O.O I even found two high-waisted pairs that fit over my ass!!!!!!

I mean typically that stuff retails for like ehh $20 bucks for shorts? which would be $80 right there. Band T’s would be another $40 so that’s already $120. And if the scoop necks were $10 each then that would be it. So I think I did good for my money???? Considering it’s all new and brands I like. Still. Holy Shit. I spent $140.

*slaps self* Breathe sis. Josh wanted you to buy clothes for a while and he said you’d be cool if you spent more than that. but, but, but, THE MONIES. We have the monies we got the tax return back and the only upside to Josh being for ever far away for so damn long is that we actually have some cash right now. BUT I SPENT SO MUCH MONIE I’M A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING. 

I have issues. I don’t know. We weren’t like poor growing up, always middle class and stuff, but I remember when my parents decided to get out of debt and we couldn’t buy anything and we had to eat arby’s (coupons) shitty frozen pizza (on sale at discount stores) and ramen for like a year and a half. And then when they moved we were totally house poor. Which sucked because all our friends family’s got kind-of annoyed with my ‘rents because they were fucking broke and didn’t realize that we were just as broke. So I’m pretty penny-pinchery. (My dad makes jewish jokes about me, my mum, and my grandma. I wouldn’t care except a. barely a quarter jewishy and b. Married Josh who is not only super Jewish, but also really into his family heritage/culture/stuff which is actually kind of cool.) So anyway. I just I dunno… I readjusted to savings mode when I got pregnant with smidge and still have serious guilt any time I buy something that costs more than $10 for myself.

But all the stuff at deb was on sale, which is where I got most of it, because they’re going out of business (I have very mixed feelings about this, our store was a slimy shit-hole but they had all my cami’s and basic t’s for super cheap all the time.) And at hot topic it was buy one get one half off plus I had a 15% off discount (only reason I got the second band t/buttons/sticker) and they’re giving out hotcash now. The only stuff I got at regular price was The bath and body works and that was still a buy two get one free. And the only reason I bought two was because I got out of Hot Topic under what I  had budgeted. *squishes face* still I feel bad. But I got a The Used T (the band, not actually used) it’s a really similar design to my tank-top of theirs but it’s also my favorite design from what’s one of my favorite albums. (I’m still swooning over Imaginary Enemy which is my total favorite. Not usually into political music, but I like the way they go about it.)

 vs 

I know it’s a mens shirt okay?!!?!?!? I like it, and I like my shirts baggy so nyahhh. If Josh were here he’d laugh and call me a lesbian *sighs* I miss my babe/baby/beau/definitely-not-bae-unless-i’m-trying-to-piss-him-off. D’X Not all the band tees in the world could make me stop missing him.

Today’s A Thing

Um I keep sortof bouncing between really happy and really depressed today. Like I’ve been in a good over-all mood but I keep getting really triggered and upset for absolutely no reason. But I am happy because my little eye-roller thingy came in the mail!

  <– This thingy Ze “Garnier Anti-Dark Circle Eye Roller”  Which is supposed to help my perpetual “I just got two black eyes because I’m so pale” problemses. It’s like a two in one concealer/cream which is cool because I’m actually way more interested in things that help over time, so that I don’t need to wear as much makeup. It’s supposed to gradually brighten while coverin up the now circleses. Since I just got it today so I don’t know about any long-term effects *fingers crosseded* but it is a nice concealer that helps with the darkneses.

Also: I’m surprised my video got as many views as it did. Which sounds kindof weird since it only got like 6 views, but is better than the two (Josh and I) that I was expecting. BUT I have no clue what to talk about in a second video, and I wanna put one up tomorrow and get a nice little Tuesday/Thursday thing goin on…. I have one meh Idea so far (I’m obviously not going to tell you what it is so that you’ll be further inspired to support me in my youtubial ventures.) But no big “OH I SHOULD DO THAT” sortof revelations. HRMM

And I’m slightly concerned about the Smidget. She had a rash on her tummy last night, but when I went to make an appointment at the Dr’s this morning it was magically gone so I’m kindof worried and keeping a close eye on her. I know at the very least she has a virus because of um Diaperial-related issues. (I’m not going to bother you with what goes on in my child’s tiny adorable bottom) But since she’s not acting sick and the rash is gone, I don’t see the point of dragging her to the Dr.

I am happy because my ears aren’t actually infected! They’re still a tad sore if I mess with them (Duh) But they’re not oozing or bleeding anymore so I’m just going to keep putting rubbing alcohol on them once or twice a day until they’re all healed up.

I’m also starting a new face-washing thing in which I hop on the “magical everything powers of oil” and washing my face with olive oil…. It didn’t smell as weird as I thought it would and it didn’t leave my face feeling greasy when I washed it either so I’m giving it a week and if it helps then it will be officially replacing my normal face-wash in the daily routine. I don’t usually care about the “super all natural and spiffishially good for you” but I’ve heard a lot of people rave about it and my face does feel soft…. plus lots of old-ladies-that-don’t-look-very-old swear by it. So trial period *BEGINS*

And that’s pretty much all the stuff that popped into my brain. So congratulations you read this whole post! Now buy me a hot cocoa. Or I will find you. And when I do find you I will be very irritated and stab you. *holds plastic spork menacingly.* Be Affeared.

I’m HOME! :D

FINALLEH I missed my bed. And my internet. And my shower. And not having to pay three bucks every time I wanted a can of coke. But I digress.

In order that you might feel informed: I shall probably end up separating all of my vacation ramblings into separate posts so that I might ramble about all of the things without it being a three thousandish word posteh.

But for now since I’m odd, I shall only discuss things pertinent to my arrival home. Mostly the fact that I can’t sit on the couch to type all of this because it’s buried under approximately 38.2 billion loads of laundry. Just a rough estimate, but it looks pretty accurate from my view in bungee chair beside said couch-eating laundry mountain. *sighs*

Yup yesterday we got back at four-ish and pretty much just unpacked ordered pizza (there is no foods in our home right now   😦 *sighs with sadnesses*) and finished watching attack on titan only for Josh to then mention “Oh yea, season two isn’t out yet, and probably won’t be until 2016ish” BKAHS QWKURNQEI?OYR T?AYROGARYOIWFGJ WRGLD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!? Sadistic fucker -.- Now I have to find somewhere online to read the manga’s just so I know what fucking happens?!?!?! GHRAHLJHGILHAERGAH FGLADFG <– I am upset by this news. *growls* after we finished watching ze amine’s (letter-switching was intentional, don’t stab me.) We then played mah chrissymas video game until it was beddish time. That plus starting the 57 million loads of laundry was all that was accomplisheded yesterday evenings. *sighs*

I should probably start folding that laundry.

Except you know you don’t want to 

But if I don’t then I can’t sit on the couch and watch more anime’s later

Or you could sit on the floor and watch them now.

But I can’t watch them now anyways because smidge is running around eating things so I’d have to hold her and wouldn’t be able to read subtitles.

 Well NYAHHH you’re no fun you boring old person

 Fuck you lazy brain.

Fuck you too mrs. I’m going to be a responsible housewifey adult person

We should probably go see a doctor and find out if these conversations are normal…….

At least we can agree on something. *sulks away so I can go do laundry*

This is a tiny baby hedge-hog:

Goodbye.

Scrambehling O.O

I’m trying to clean the entire goddamn apartment as fast as humanly possible because I absolutely hate it when I go on a nice trip, where I totally had a blast and enjoyed myself and then not only do I have to come back to reality, but I have to clean my goddamn room on top of it all. I also don’t want to have to take out the trash after the smidge’s diapers have been festering for a week. Um ew. (That’s what Josh is for….except not really, I try not to take advantage of the smexiness) So anyway doing laundry, trying to get the sheets changed, making sure smidge’s toys are contained to one tiny tornado zone instead of the entire living room.

AND on top of this I have to go find a fucking swimsuits and shorts in January!

ARJGDJFGLlASDGKHASFG QOENRU Q?EROGIYHANHG<– Venting my frustration on my poor abused keyboard

This is what I get for working my ass off (not eating for a long time) to lose all that goddamn weight. And Josh too. Fucking mister I-have-an-outdoorsy-job-so-I’m-going-to-get-all-muscley-so-you-won’t-want-to-use-me-as-a-pillow-anymore asshole. -.- naturally the smidge needs one as well. Dammit.

Smidge has fifteen minutes before I drag her ass out of crib so I can feed her and get this shit over with. It just sucks because I’m probably going to have to go into a bunch of stores that I don’t like to find some. Like Kohl’s and Macy’s and maybe even…. *shudders* hollister. Ew ew ew I get nauseous even thinking about it. So much of that goddamn disgusting cologne that makes my head hurt (breathe sis breathe, you’re gunna get through this. NO I WON’T I’M GUNNA DIEEEEEE *slaps self and goes all Edna mode* Pull Yourself Together! You will go in there you will attempt to find a swimsuit with more than two square inches of cloth on it and you will get out…. Oh shit I’m having a discussion with myself again I really gotta stop this……) Um yes. So. I don’t like hollister…. *sighs* this is gunna be a longggg day.

Go in, give the message, get out. (Veggie tales was my other disney. *sighs* I know, I’m a homeschooler nerd.) Maybe if I get it over with quickly and do end up going to the mall I can stop by hot topic and reward my epic bravery with one of those super-cute disney compact mirrors *rubs hands together villainously* I’m starting to like this plan…

Unpopular Opinions Tag?!

AHhhhhhh hthe tags theyre everywhereeeeee, That’s okay though because I enjoys them ^.^ This one be’s from Samm

1. A selection of T.V. programs you do not care for?

Hmmm Jersey Shore, Orange is the new black, honey boo boos ummmmm oh okay don’t kill me for this…. I fucking hate the walking dead. *ducks underneath the coffee table so I don’t get stabbed*

2. A selection of musical artists you do not care for?

One Direction, 5 Seconds of Summer, Katy Perry, Rihanna, anything top 40, rappy, or generally hip-hoppy….

3. A selection of celebrities you couldn’t care less about?

All of them? I don’t really give a shit about which rich whores are living in holly wood.

4. A hobby you just don’t get?

Exercising. Why would you do this for fun?!?!? like if you want to lose weight I get it but when you see some skinny bitch running around it’s just like wtf are you doing? Congratulations, you’re skinny now so go home and eat a goddamn bowl of ice creams!

5. A habit you find disgusting?

Hmm Spitting? Picking your nose? OH MY GOSH talking with food in your mouth or just chewing with your mouth open. Just ew. ew. stay away from me please.

6. Something in school you enjoyed doing, but others bitched about?

Umm Schoolwork? Like *homeschooled* so mini co-ops but yea I actually loved most of my schoolwork. Or wait do you mean things that I personally did? hmmm bouncing up and down and twitching.(I should’ve been on ADHD meds. I got called a squirrel alot)

7. Favorite household chore?

Folding warm laundry! I actually love folding laundry if it’s warm. It’s so soft and cuddly and warm and it smells like airfreshnery-goodness!

8. A popular video game that makes you go “meh”?

Call of duty probably. Most of the people that seem to love it have a very low iq and there are cooler looking shooty games out there. But I don’t really play video games soooo.

9.  Pc or mac?

PC all the way. Mac is for sheeple.

10. A sport you don’t like?

ALL OF THEM

11. A sport you do like?

competitive nap times and binge-snacking.

12. T.V. programs you love, but have gotten shit for it?

Ummm anime in general (my mum can be a bitch) oh please don’t kill me but I loveee say yes to the dress…… *hangs head in shame*

13. A hobby you enjoy, that others find weird?

*debates whether or not self-harm is a hobby* um no probably like crocheting? Yea I know, 18 going on 80 but the repetitive mindlessness is actually relaxing. But I never finish anything.

14. A habit you have that other people don’t like you having?

Um skipping meals, and all those other self destructive behaviors I can’t seem to kick? Normal answer: Biting my nails and cracking my gum.

15. Something in school everyone enjoyed doing, but you hated?

Gossipingggg mostly because none of my friends were in my co op. Um hanging out in bathrooms. I still don’t get it unless your actually using it, or fixing your makeup.

16. A household chore that makes you want to chop your own face off?

Loading the dishwasher. Not so much anymore but at my parents place they’d let the dishes pile up for a week (in the house with 8 people) and then they’d be all like yup it’s your turn to do the dishes! and expect you to get them all done in two hours.

17. A video game you enjoy but probably shouldn’t?

The Stick of Truth! to date the only video game I’ve ever completed. I am also a total sucker for freemium games….

18. A celebrity crush even you don’t understand?

I don’t do celebrity crushes. See question 3. Why would I give a shit? Much less want to rape them.

19. A free rant on something that grinds your gears at the moment?

Hmmm I’m not feeling particularly ranty at the moment but here goessss:

I fucking hate people who can’t accept people who disagree with them. It’s like I just said I like a different type of music then you so why are you trying to stab me?

If I disagree with someone “I’m like oh you think Justin Beiber is the Beethoven of our generation and is a sex god that you want to be the father of your children? Um okay that’s weird, I don’t really care for him, but if that’s what makes you happy by all means bear the beibsters spawn” It’s not Ew your a psychotic stalker person with shitty taste in music that can go die in a hole, and rot in musical hell.

Even if that’s what you think you have no right to shit all over someone else for disagreeing with you. How fucking petty and smallminded do you have to be for that to be all right? Maybe I just have more practice because I like different things than my friends, and even Josh and I disagree on some shit. But I don’t get why it’s okay to completely bitch someone out for having a different opinion than yours. If we all agreed on everything life would be fucking boring. And don’t even get me started if it’s something political. I said I think killing babies is bad, not that your mom was a fat bitch who has sex for big macs, GODDDDDD.

I DID IT CX

I finished watching the Book Of Circus Last Night (contains spoilers) and it was AMAZING *cue psychotic fangirling* Seriously, I couldn’t find anything in the entire show that bugged me. And as far as I remember it was actually incredibly accurate to the manga. (Though it has been a while since I read that part, I’ll be re-reading it soon just to be sure) But the delay after Snake’s first line, before he said the “says Wilde” part seriously freaked me out. I was bouncing up and down yelling at the television about how they had better fucking not cut out the Says _______ *squishes my facey cheeks together in a display of fangirling adoration* But they just dragged it out to bug people. I LOVED all of it. They nailed all of the new characters perfectly (IMO)

Beast was her usual huffy BDSM self with the hidden lovesick girly person underneath it all

Dagger was constantly after Beast and making light of everything

Doll(Freckles ^.^) was totally Spot on, I loved her character to pieces

I hated the midgets just as much as i did in the manga

Joker was perfect as well.

and Snake (my favorite circus character) OH MY GOSHNESS I was seriously worried that they wouldn’t get him right, and although he does lighten up considerably after he gets to the manor, if memory serves, He was appropriately serious for the circus. Cx

And then later on (I don’t remember if this was in the manga or not) Watching Grell pitch a fit because Beast was with Sebastian, and then proceeding to go on about what an amazing Lover Sebastian apparently was. I seriously almost died laughing. I couldn’t breathe or see straight for almost two minutes XD The entire thing was perfect. And I actually liked that it was short too. Since this only made up a small portion of the plot in the manga they would have had to add a bunch of made up shit to the show to make it much longer.

I just hope they do more soon!!!!! *dies* I don’t know how I’ll handle it if there’s no more black butler to look forward too.

Yea, yea I know I’m a total nerd. Butttttt I accomplished my goal of watching all three seasons in three days sooooo that’s a geek win for sure.

But I’m soooo tired because I’ve had to start after I put the smidge to bed which means at like 7 or 8 to whenever I finished T.T so so tired. *hibernates*

Anywhore…. I’m better than I was the last time I posted. Mostly I’ve just been doing things that make me relaxed and happy. So, lots of makeup and youtube and anime.

But now I must go and watch southpark until Josh gets home. Cx *does flying leap towards the couch*

I’ve Been Doing Very Important Things With My Life……(just kidding!)

Well I mean, I consider binge-watching the entire first season of Black Butler in a 24 hour period important, but most people just think that’s a waste of time. (By most people I mean only boring losers.)

Yup. 24 episodes. After commercials and the intro (yes I watched the intro for every single episode….they’re good songs!) they each take up about half an hour. So I watched twelve hours of (only subbed!) anime. I consider that quite an accomplishment after you add in the fact that I also took care of my darling high-maintenance demon princess, did 2 loads of laundry, and 1 load of dishes. And I even got 7 hours of sleep because I woke up this morning at lunchtime! I’m such an over-achiever XD I also considered watching the Hamlet OVA but it was already 2 a.m. and I was getting pretty tired.

Why the fuck did I decide to do all of that in one day????? Well, I still have to watch all of season 2 today. (and it’s already 4 p.m. so I’m going to be up late again.) So that I can get started on THE BOOK OF FREAKING CIRCUS PEOPLE. (I added in the freaking and the people…..) Because when I was rotting away in the land of no internet I hadn’t even fucking realized that it had been translated. I have been waiting for season three since the day the last episode of season two came out…… (I realize that I’m being a pathetic geek right now, you don’t have to mention it…)

So tomorrow it starts Cx as long as I get done with season two tonight.

And I even accomplished things today too! (total rabbit trail here) I paid for my college classes (art 1 and art 2, I’m suchh and over-achiever) And I picked up some much needed food substance items (coke, milk, whipped cream, and baby food.) I might have also indulged in some hairspray and a pack of gum…. *hangs head in pathetic shame* and then when I got home I found our mailbox!!!!! It was actually on the other side of the first set I checked…..I found this out about an hour later after I’d been wandering around with the Smidget looking totally retarded. I hate these big apartment-complexy mailboxes, how was I supposed to know they have two sides?!?!?

Ugh. Maybe that had something to do with the fact that I stayed up past my bedtime watching my favorite show of all time????

Anyway, back to my anime(teehee that sounds funny to say) I can’t wait to see the book of circus! I LOVED this part of the manga so I’m totally stoked (do normal people still say stoked??? I do, but I think I’ve established that I’m a bit odd.) to see all my favorite characters!!!! Beast and Snake and Smile C’X (pardon me I’m in geek heaven right now I’ll be back momentarily……. okay I’m backish)

So yes. This would be a better post but I’m a bit distracted by that whole fangirling my brains out thing…. I should probably get back to normal in a few days, after I watch my show and calm myself ^.^ Anyways do you like anime? Which types/shows? or do you prefer normal people boring shows? (haha I’m rude, and completely unapologetic!)

No, I Didn’t Die. I Promise. Also This Post Is Very Awkward. Kind-of Explicit?

I’m not dead, I’m just one of those crotchety old people that’s all like “Holidays should be spent with the people you care about not frittering your time away on the interwebs!” So since Josh had four days off I spent time with him and the smidget, doing family things like binge-watching southpark and stuffing our faces with stuffing ^.^

Oh My Gosh. Josh’s family can freaking cook. (I love my grandma, but she should not be allowed anywhere nearrrrr a stove.) So I actually got to experience the Thanksgiving Feast, instead of trying to politely find a way not to eat the potatoes with cat hair in them. (true story) And now, after 18 long years, I understand why people gain weight on the holidays. Holy Shit. I gorged all weekend. But all my pants still fit, so the number of shits given, remains zero *shrugs*

I also went up again with my plugs. I am now a 00g. Which if you give a shit, is slightly smaller then a dime. I’m not going any bigger until I, you know, find a job, and college, and mature, responsible, grown up shit.

But what probably took up the most time this weekend was, um, I sortof… came out(?) to Josh. whaaaaat? No I’m not a lesbian. And I won’t be one of those people that waits until they’re like 40 and then leaves their husband for a chick. But I guess I’m bi-curious? If not totally bi. And it’s weird.

You’re probably all like umm didn’t you think you might want to mention this to your husband you know sometime beforeeeee you got knocked up, and married him?

Well it’s sort-of like this, Josh was the very very first person I ever thought about sexually. (not only did I marry the first guy I ever dated, I also married my first legitimate crush. Yup I’m pretty stuck on this guy.) So I didn’t really knoww until after we started going out. And even then it wasn’t like I woke up one day and decided “holy shit, I like tits!”. It was more of a gradual “oh hey, I’m not staring at that person because I’m jealous anymore, I’m staring ’cause damnn that’s a nice ass.” And then immediately after that it was “Nu-uh you have a perfectly sexy Josh, plus that’s just totally not cool, stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it.” And I’ve kind-of been trying to make my feelings go away by ignoring them? Shock of all shocks, it’s not really working.

So now cue this weekend actually trying to think through all this shit I’ve been denying and ignoring for like three years. And explaining it all to Josh (who is like always, super laid back and supportive. No idea how I lucked out with somebody so amazing.) Which is kind-of tricky. Because he wants to know everything I’ve been thinking, feeling, fantasizing, and even though I’m not trying to hide it anymore, it’s just shoving your feelings in a tiny box, in a tiny closet in your brain doesn’t leave a lot of room for actually thinking about them. So trying to form all of these opinions, and then spit them out right away, when I’m so utterly atrocious at verbal communication, It’s difficult.

But it pretty much ended up with several rather intense *adult interactions* and him bookmarking a porn-browser on my phone for when he’s out of town. He also said he’s okay with it if I want to find a girlfriend(whaaaaat??????) But I think that’s way too much right now. I think girls are beautiful, and I think it’d be fun to *be* with one. But even if he’s okay with it, it still feels too much like cheating to me right now. Maybe in the future? If I find someone that’s like, right. But I know that Josh is my soul-mate, so how could I have an emotional connection like that with someone else? I don’t think it’d work.

So for now I have my little naked lady button for when I want to be a perv. But Josh is waaaay more then capable of keeping me happy on his own. (Quite a feat actually, I’m an uber perv with a crazy high libido.)

I know, I know. You don’t care and all of this is crazy TMI. But I pretty much view this thing as a public diary, where I can work through shit and try to organize my thoughts sometimes. So I’m not even talking to you, I’m talking to myself. Which is crazy, but you’ve probably already figured out that I’m kind-of mental anyway so *shrugs*

But one thing in all of this, I’ve been a lot happier. I’m more relaxed, and less tense, and I’ve been smiling more. And it’s also kind-of funny because Josh has invented a game where he tries to make me feel awkward by shoving different pictures in my face and asking me to rate them, and what’s hot and what’s not, sort of stuff. So my Thanksgiving has been pretty weird, what did you do?