Tag Archives: tired


So, I have IGBTSS, if you’re wondering what that is and survival rates and such let me just expain,

I Gave Birth To Satan Syndrome is a medical anomaly occurring in mothers who are typically over-worked and under-paid. The symptoms include one or more children that are too smart for their own damn good, wreck hell upon your home, and ALWAYS use their powers exclusively for evil, furthering the devils cause.

It has a -000000.00000% survival rate, so I’m sorry guys, but the terrible two’s are nigh upon us and I fear that I shan’t last much longer.

Ugh >.< somebody put me out of my misery now?

On top of the satan baby Josh is working nights every day through monday so I get to see him for maybeeee 10 minutes a day because he has to sleep when he’s home.

And chasifer’s moped died so I’m driving his dumb ass to and from work every day until he can afford to get his license back, and buy a car. Good news is that he no longer works at the labor finder place because he got a job that’s like a mile from where we live. So at least the risk of me passing the fuck out while I’m driving isn’t too bad.

Now that the roommates at work and the child’s in bed(FINALLY) I get to go clean out the fridge and figure out what’s making it smell like rotting flesh.

Soooooooooooo I’ll catch you all later depending on whether or not I’ve survived.



So I know I’ve Been Sucking Lately

I haven’t been posting very much lately and when I do it’s short or jumpy or rambly or just generally doesn’t make sense. I am aware, and I apologize, It’s just that lately I’ve been feeling like shit. Not just sick, I probably have mono again, if you read this you’ll understand why I’m freaked out, because my hair is turning white again (Josh was like holy shit is that white in your hair? and was messin with it and I’m was just like “Oh fuck, no, you are so shitting with me! I swear to god babe that’s not funny!” but he wasn’t, and it was, I am an 18 year old with a patch of turning-white hair. -.-)

On top of probably mono, I am majorly depressed. As in this is the worst I’ve felt in probably a year and a half-two years-ish. I’m crying all the time, and not getting out of bed until really late, and my fuse for being in crowded places (mall or grocery store type crowded) is even shorter, I can’t be out for more than an hour without breaking down, I can’t stop thinking about bad stuff all the time so it’s this in my head all the time, minus the determined will to get better part. It’s also just I want to fucking quit. I’m done, I don’t want to be alive anymore. I’m not going to kill myself, I know that that would just be a melodramatic Fuck you to everybody I actually do care about, and if I did Josh’s life would become way more complicated with finding someone to watch smidgey for free-very cheap while he worked, But that’s seriously the only reason I’m bothering at this point. It’s never going to get better, It’s never going to stop hurting, and I still have no clue why I haven’t carved up the only part of my body that I’ve actually wanted to cut. Why do I bother hiding it? I’m never gunna get a job anyway so it doesn’t matter if potential future employers saw it because there aren’t any. I guess the only reason I still haven’t is ’cause I’m pretty sure that’s bad for the Smidges psyche Like hush little baby, go to sleep, so mommy can sit in the next room and play with razors for a while, hmmm yea can’t do that, makes me a bad mom. So I don’t. And I haven’t. But I want to. Fucking christ I want to so bad. Nope can’t do that to the Josh and the Smidge. Fuck. I want to go back to bed. But I’m pretty sure that’s not good either. I wish we could afford a shrink. I’m too scared of pills. *slams head into keyboard* God, I’m such a fucking pussy. I’m sorry for more incoherent babbling about how much I hate my totally fine, awesome, life. Firstworld problems and all that. Sorry. I’m gunna go watch youtube now, I just wanted to inform you all(none) as to why my posts have been so shitty lately.



I’m going to see if the new sweater Josh gave me is dry, if it is, I shall wear it while I watch youtube.

I’m HOME! :D

FINALLEH I missed my bed. And my internet. And my shower. And not having to pay three bucks every time I wanted a can of coke. But I digress.

In order that you might feel informed: I shall probably end up separating all of my vacation ramblings into separate posts so that I might ramble about all of the things without it being a three thousandish word posteh.

But for now since I’m odd, I shall only discuss things pertinent to my arrival home. Mostly the fact that I can’t sit on the couch to type all of this because it’s buried under approximately 38.2 billion loads of laundry. Just a rough estimate, but it looks pretty accurate from my view in bungee chair beside said couch-eating laundry mountain. *sighs*

Yup yesterday we got back at four-ish and pretty much just unpacked ordered pizza (there is no foods in our home right now   😦 *sighs with sadnesses*) and finished watching attack on titan only for Josh to then mention “Oh yea, season two isn’t out yet, and probably won’t be until 2016ish” BKAHS QWKURNQEI?OYR T?AYROGARYOIWFGJ WRGLD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!? Sadistic fucker -.- Now I have to find somewhere online to read the manga’s just so I know what fucking happens?!?!?! GHRAHLJHGILHAERGAH FGLADFG <– I am upset by this news. *growls* after we finished watching ze amine’s (letter-switching was intentional, don’t stab me.) We then played mah chrissymas video game until it was beddish time. That plus starting the 57 million loads of laundry was all that was accomplisheded yesterday evenings. *sighs*

I should probably start folding that laundry.

Except you know you don’t want to 

But if I don’t then I can’t sit on the couch and watch more anime’s later

Or you could sit on the floor and watch them now.

But I can’t watch them now anyways because smidge is running around eating things so I’d have to hold her and wouldn’t be able to read subtitles.

 Well NYAHHH you’re no fun you boring old person

 Fuck you lazy brain.

Fuck you too mrs. I’m going to be a responsible housewifey adult person

We should probably go see a doctor and find out if these conversations are normal…….

At least we can agree on something. *sulks away so I can go do laundry*

This is a tiny baby hedge-hog:



Ughh Dx This Post Sucks (You Don’t Have To Tell Me, I Already Know)

I am not feeling very well and am not having a particularly awesome weekend.

My sister is being more and more of a psychotic evil bitch. She’ll randomly walk in to my room and look around and be all “Oh yea, as soon as you guys are leaving, this is SO my room!” And going on and on in front of everyone about how much she hates Josh and I and wants us gone. Just ugh. *smh*

Josh was gone for another week and came back on friday and guess what?! Right as we went off for some *alone time* my visitor of the monthly variety decided to make an appearance. >.< I know, TMI but I’m seriously pissed about this. always happens right when he comes home from being away for forever.

The Smidge is hitting some sort of evil I-am-so-the-boss-of-you-so-do-what-I-say-minion! phase and She’s driving me up a wall with mini baby tantrums. How do babies even throw tantrums?!?!? They can’t talk!

And I’m feeling seriously sick because along with the whole monthly visitor I’ve got allergy shit, and probably a cold. And I took some Tramadol last night so I feel like a sleepy, head-achey, zombie.

Today is just….today’s not good. So now that I finally got the Smidge to nap, I am hiding in my bed with all the lights off scarfing Ghirardelli peppermint barck and trying not to cry….. Yea it’s one of those days.

I apologize because I am well aware that this post is rambly and disconnected and makes about as much sense as a hormonal 13 year old girl with drama, But I do believe that I explained my reasons for why. It is also rainy. And while I like rain, it sometimes makes me feel spaced out and sleepy. So I think that right now I am going to go take a nap and eat some more chocolate and if I feel human afterwords, I might come back and try to write a real post about actual things (That’d be a first….)

So I guess as a mini consolation prize have a couple random pictures:

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