Category Archives: Uncategorized

Okay so I’ve been trying to figure out what to write about pretty much ever since that last post, and I couldn’t really make up my mind until I finished reading Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Which, after I spent about 12 hours fangirling and coming down from that I-just-read-an-amazing-book high, left me thinking about how some books are good, and others are life-changing.

So I’ve decided to give you guys a smallish list of books that have profoundly affected my life and the way I look at the world, They’re not in any particular order, nor is this all of them (not even close) just the ones sitting in the front of my brain.


  1. Perks of Being a Wallflower by Peter Chbosky

I figured since this was the book that started this post it should come first. It was really profound. I fell in love with the characters, the style, and the story from the moment I picked it up. It was just beautiful.

Favorite quotes:

“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”

“I would die for you. But I won’t live for you.”

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

Also, the poem, and really the whole damn book is quotable, it’s fucking beautiful.

I feel like what I got from this book was to embrace the moments, to be earnest with my feelings and actions, and to love the life I have.


2. The Picture of Dorian Gray By Oscar Wilde

I’d like to add that this is and has been my favorite book ever since I read it, almost four years ago, and that is an astonishing record for me. I’m a slut for Oscar Wilde and I sincerely wish I could have a conversation with him, you know, if he wasn’t dead. I feel like this book is ridiculously quotable, fun to read, and has real depth under neath the many layers of fabulousness.

Favorite quotes:

“The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.”

“Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world’s original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different.”

“Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.”

“Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

“I am too fond of reading books to care to write them.”

“Some things are more precious because they don’t last long.”

“Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is by far the best ending for one.”

Also, the entire fucking book is just one massive pile of beautiful, charming, horrible, quotes from a beautiful, cynical, miserable, man. It was utterly breathtaking and reminded me that there are more important things than being beautiful, clever, and popular. And that in the end it’s better to be honest with yourself and the people you love.


3. Hamlet by If I need to tell you, why are you reading this???

Obviously this is a play not a book, but I love it tremendously so it has to be included. People say Shakespeare is hard to read, I feel like its more hard to start reading, and then once you do it’s hard to stop. Also this is my favorite Shakespeare anything.

Favorite Quotes:

“Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love.” –also probably my favorite quote of all time.

“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

“Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t.”

“Listen to many, speak to a few.”

I feel like the romance between Hamlet and Ophelia is only tied between the love of Annabel Lee and the speaker for best romance of all time. Look at that first quote, just look at it, it’s beautiful and sweet and sad and dreamy, pretty much the whole play is. Hamlet served as a reminder to do what I believe is right, and to say what’s on my mind.


4. Impulse by Ellen Hopkins

I’m also a slut for Ellen Hopkins, her writing style, her stories, they’re always so sad and touching and raw and real. This is one of the first books of hers that I read, and it’s stayed my favorite. Probably because I find it the easiest to identify with, I feel like Vanessa was written for me, and they’re all in a mental hospital.

Favorite Quotes:

“Grandma once told me it’s easy to overthink love, to dissect it and question it until it is no more.”

“One foot in front of the other, counting tiles on the floor so I don’t have to focus the blur of painted smiles, fake faces.” An accurate description of highschool Life.

“It [death] chokes you, gags you, but you have to pretend that you’re doing just fine, not trembling with this fear because the end is close.”

“Too much to take in, too much to purge. Why must every memory, once sweet, dead end in such ugliness?”

This book isn’t happy, it doesn’t have a happy ending, and there’s very little fluff to distract you from how horrible it is. But it was the first book I ever read that had characters who were depressed. It was novel for me to know that there were enough people who felt the way I do everyday that somebody would write a book about them. It also taught me to keep going, that it’s worth it to keep working, and that ending it all solves nothing.


5. Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson 

This isn’t a novel or a story like the rest of them, it basically read like a collection of posts from her blog, which I adore, so it was totally awesome. (Only decent Best present my in-laws ever bought me) She alternates between talking about her life as a funny awesome mom person, and coping with severe depression and a host of other mental issues.

Favorite Quotes/Chapters:

“Don’t sabotage yourself. There are plenty of other people willing to do that for free.”

“Don’t make the same mistakes that everyone else makes. Make wonderful mistakes. Make the kind of mistakes that make people so shocked that they have no other choice but to be a little impressed.”

“I AM GOING TO BE FURIOUSLY HAPPY, OUT OF SHEER SPITE.” (How I’ve decided to approach life from here on out.)

“I can’t think of another type of illness where the sufferer is made to feel guilty and question their self-care when their medications need to be changed.”

“Normal is boring. Weird is better. Goats are awesome, but only in small quantities.”


Furiously Happy, Dangerously Sad

Pretend your Good at it

George Washington’s Dildo

An Essay on Parsley, Wasabi, Cream Cheese, and Soup

We’re Better Than Galileo, Because He’s Dead. (specifically the spoon theory)

Well at Least Your Nipples are covered. ( I read this at Josh, I have noticed a slight improvement in compliment sincerity, I feel like this is a magical chapter)

And It Might be Easier, But It Wouldn’t Be Better. (This basically felt like what Josh is always trying to say but can never get out right.)

This book was ridiculously funny, gave me new insight into dealing with my shitload of crazy, and is the only thing I’ve ever read about depression that didn’t make me feel more depressed after I read it. I laughed and cried, out loud, like audibly, like it invoked a physical reaction in me. And it was a beautiful reminder that we’re not alone, we’re not broken, and in some ways, we have the potential to be even more awesome than the normal people. Seriously, if you’ve ever struggled with depression read this, or her blog, either or, both are awesome Cx

Anywhore sorry this is so long, believe it or not I cut a lot out, but these are the stories that touched my soul. They changed the way I view the world, the way I cope with life, the way I look at myself and others. I hope if you read them you feel the same way, or at least find them enjoyable.



Resolutions? I’m bad at being on time

So it’s January which means that everyone on the damn planet is going on about the new year, new me bullshit which I don’t really buy.

But for the sake of conforming I will tell you what my personal goals for this year are, and you will pretend to care for five minutes.

  1. I want to keep up with the Q&A journal Josh got me. Basically it asks you a question everyday and it’s got enough space for 5 years, so you see how your answers differ year to year. I think its cool because I suck at journaling and it’s something short and quick I can do in the morning.
  2. I want to talk to people more. I always wonder why I don’t have many friends but then I stay inside watching anime all day and never trying to talk to anyone.
  3.  I want to exercise more (can’t believe I’m actually saying that *looks down at rapidly growing tummy* ….wait yes, yes I can >.<) , meditate more, and try to start doing yoga again..

These aren’t just random things I thought up to sound cool, I never sound cool, but I have noticed that I generally feel better when I express myself, force myself out of my comfort zone, and try to move my lazy ass. It helps me feel a bit less depressed and a bit more energetic, so I’m going to give this shit a shot I suppose.

Happy late New Years, how did yours go? Mine sucked dick and ended up with me spending an hour crying myself to sleep in a bathtub when I wasn’t even drunk! 😀

Cheerios losers I’m off to watch youtube ❤


SOOOOOOOO Samm tagged me in the hair tag like two months ago and I just saw it /.\ better late then never right? Just agree with me on this……

  1. Why did you start taking better care of your hair?

Because I started dyeing it a lot, and was worried about over-damaging it, I feel like thats a common answer XD

2. What are your two favorite hair products?

I’m not sure I can pickkkkk DX umm hair dye, and deep conditioners, with hairspray in a very, very close third… I need my damn hairspray to keep it floofy peeples

3. Who’s hair did you admire as a child?

Anyone with colorful hair, I always looked up to the punk girls with choppy, colorful hair and big fringes.

4. What is your ultimate goal length?

Umm a bit past my boobies.

5. How are you going to celebrate reaching your ultimate goal length?

Hmmm… Probably buying lots of hair accessories and spamming instagram with cute hair pics

6. Two styles you want to try at your ultimate goal length?

Long pig-tails with my natural hair, and quite possibly a side cut (grow it all out to chop half of it off XD)

7. Which do you prefer: Health or Length?

Well I feel like the right answer is health, but unless it’s completely fried I personally will choose length. I’ve always had short hair so now I’m hell bent on getting long hair no matter what…

8. What do you prefer: hair ties with no metal parts or butterfly clips?

Hair ties, I almost always have my hair in pigtails/ twin buns?? so I like my hair ties.

9. What products do you prefer: salon brands, organic brands, bss brands (Idek what that means), drugstore brands, or other.

I try to use organic brands because I feel like it’s better for my hair (plus they usually smell really good) but if I’m being cheap drugstore.

10. Which product/technique do you think is over-rated?

Curling wands. Their like curling irons, but with no clip so you have to hold the ends there and you always end up burning your damn fingers and the curls look weird because you were too busy dealing with your burnt fingers to focus on what you were fucking doing……. I speak from experience -.-

11. Which product/technique do you think is under-rated.

Not washing it. With the magic of dry shampoo I only wash my hair once a week and it makes it much softer.

12. What is your favorite part of your hair regimen?

Hairspray, it looks perfect, lets glue it in place XD I just love the smell of my hairspray sooooo…. I dunno

13. What is the most annoying part of your hair regimen?

Doing my roots, I always need someone to spot me, it smells bad, takes hours, and is just generally a pain in the ass.

14. Oils or Butters?

Oils, I love a good nice-smelling oil treatment CX although masks and deep conditioners really are more my speed..

15. Buns or ponytails?

Buns, I feel like I can do more with a bun, bandanna ads rockabilly flair, double buns for super cuteness, Roll my fringe back  for pin-up perfection, messy bun when I’m pretending to be normal… So much you can do with a good bun.

16. Wigs or Weaves?

Wigs, I feel like they give you more flexibility and options.

17. What is your opinion on growth aids?

That most of them are bullshit schemes to make money. Unless its plain generic biotin I don’t trust it and even that isn’t a miracle growth thing, it’s just to keep it healthy.

18. At what length do you consider hair long?

When you can braid it without it looking sad and pathetic… About boob length.

19. When was the last time you visited a salon?

This summer. Actually it’s really sad, I finally found a good fucking salon and a hair dresser I love, and I start doing my own hair. I can’t spend #200 dollars every three months though, it’s just obscene.

20. What do you like to surf most often: Youtube channels, personal blogs, or hair forums.

Hmm it depends on if I’m doing it for fun or if I’m about to try something new. I love watching youtube hair videos for fun, but if I’m experimenting I’m more likely to check hair forums and get opinions from actual hair dressers.

21. And finally, what piece of advice would you give to someone just starting out on their hair journey?

A few things 1. take care of it, healthy hair is pretty hair. 2. Don’t listen to what people say, it’s your hair so experiment and try what you like, find what works for you. and 3. What Samm said, it’s just hair. At the end of the day you can chop it all off and it’ll grow back. It might look a little awkward for a few months but it’ll grow back and you can try again.


Included a pic of my personal hair goals CX


Maybe I’m Back?

Tbh I’m not really sure. Things have been odd of late. But I miss you guys so I shall make an attempt.

So since I disappeared Chassifer has been kicked-out/sent to rehab. Which he proceeded to get kicked out of. We love him to bits but he’s never gunna get his shit together *sighs* So last I heard he’s staying at some girls place in marylands.

Christmas was awesome. I got the best shits Cx and by best shits I mean bionicles, A Draculaura doll, a carton of cigarettes (which is insane because I don’t smoke that much -.-) an expensive bottle of stinky Michael Kors perfume XD I love Josh to bits but he’s reaaaaally bad at picking that sort of thing ❤ …. I also got a prettiful necklace from my pap, but I’m too busy being sad that he’s going to die soon to enjoy it.. 6-7 really ugly puzzles from my gram, and my mum-in-law actually bought me a really awesome book (Furiously Happy) by one of my favorite bloggers.

Josh really liked the poster I got him (I commissioned a drawing of us, and got it printed all big) and I think he also liked the handle of spiced rum XD

(My spawn just dumped the cats water bowl on the carpet for no earthly reason…)

We have a new roommate who used to be our neighbors roommate until they started fighting like cats and dogs -.- why can none of my friends get along?

Anyway there isn’t really a point to this besides I miss you guys, particularly Zazzle and Samm. Ann you woulddd count but I still talk to you on ig XD

ALSO Josh’s hair is blueeeee

look at how cute mah little weirdo isssss ❤ I dids that to him myself Cx

So umm I’ll try to be on here more (I’m actually about to double post and do the hair tag now lol) but I loves you all and I shall be at least semi-back. Although if you’re trying to actually get in contact with me my instagrams is still the best way (I’m fucking glued to it….)


I just finished splitting my tongue. I got pissed that it was taking so long and grabbed the sharpest scissors I could find and just split the rest like that.

It didn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would, and it didn’t bleed nearlyyyyy as much as I thought it would, so that’s good.

But I’m still feeling really woozy and light-headed because, well, you have to be a certain level of insane before you can calmly cut your tongue in half. And I’m just going to like, lay down and breathe for the next few hours. BUT AT LEAST ITS FINALLY FUCKING DONE

Also, I don’t remember if I mentioned this but we finally rescued my cat Cx Misa-misa is homeeee and she loves it here. Retarded little fuck-wit is adorable and puts up with a lottttt of bullshit from the smidge.

So. I don’t really have anything else to say, just trying to calm my totally fried nerves. I shall speak at ye all moreish laterish!


That is my thursday thing.

Today is a weekend.

Yesterday was the fourth. We didn’t do anything but lay around and cuddle.

No fireworks or shit, I honestly really enjoyed it though.


I’m finally splitting my tongue!

I finally decided okay, gunna go through with this shit, lets find me a shop.

ANDDDDD of course I quickly discovered that Virginia considers it a “surgical procedure” and therefore you can’t get it done legally in a tattoo/piercing parlor. Since I’m nott digging around for a shady shop that’ll do it anyway, I look up how much it costs to get it done all fancy surgicallylyly. >.< I do not have a thousand plus dollars to fork over for a one inch cut to my tongue.

Which means that against what little common sense I have, I’m doing the fishing line thing.

(Basically you have a healed tongue ring as a sort of anchor, and you thread mono-filament fishing-line through the piercing. Cinch it tight enough to hurt, and gradually over a span of a few weeks to a few months, tighten it until you’ve sliced all the way back to the piercing.)

The main difference between the surgical way and the fishing line way is that one is a less painful more gradual process, but the other gets that shit over with at once, and I’m pretty sure that since it’s a surgery here you get drugs and painkillery things before and after the whole shebang.

I’m more of a rip the bandaid off person, so I’m actually quite irritated with the fact that I’m doing it the at home way, but whatever.

Also, when I said “less painful” I mean that in the absolute loosest way possible. This shit hurts bad. I ended up trying to tie it three times last night since the knot kept coming out, and the last time I got pissed and cinched that shit wayyyy tight. You can already see a cut on the bastard.

I can barely talk and eating is excruciating ^.^ but as I said, I want to get this over with as soon as possible so I’m just going to complain my way through the pain until I have achieved my desired adorable tongue.

Josh and I are both pretty convinced that anyone who notices will think I’m possessed. Which is pretty ridiculous, but that’s small town life *shrugs*

AND I GOT MY DERMAL FIXED! and the very next fucking day one decides to rip half-way out. >.< since it was only half-way I shoved it back in and told it to stay fucking put. Now I’m babying him but he’s still no happeh. oozy=bad. But cleaning and taking care of the best that I can. Not as bad today as he was yesterday. I’m letting him back into open air and I think that’s helping with drainage. *fingers crossed that I don’t have to go back to get this guy fixed too*

So now I’m off to play with my kood, the smoodge, I SHALL WRITE MORE LATER

I’m The Worst Mummy Ever DX

So earlier today I was sitting on the bed with the Smidge and she kept crawling towards the edge, and screaming at me when I pulled her back. She’s been doing this a lot lately both on my bed and on the couch and basically anywhere you can jump off of.

She has zero fear of falling or getting hurt because she’s never been dropped and I can’t think of any serious pain besides shots/blood drawn (that was really really scary)

So the next time she tried it I let her fall off the edge, because I knew it wasn’t high, there was nothing to gouge/scratch her and it was on a carpeted spot.

Nothing really happened, she fell, she cried loudly for a few minutes, and took a nap.

But when she woke up her face has two giant knots on it from where she fell and I feel like the worst person ever. I gave her ibuprofen and she’s completely fine, But I feel like a bad mummy ’cause I let her fall.

But it was so she wouldn’t crawl off of something that could actually hurt her, like the metal frame on our coffee table.

But I still let my baby get hurt,

So she would learn not to do stupid things and stop trying to crawl off of high places

But now she has a sad bruise

*Continues brain argument for the next three hours*

Hormones are evil, I feel so shitty. But she keeps scaring me.

*Sighs* I know she’s fine, shes in bed now but I still feel like the worst person ever for trying to teach a 1 year old to not be such a dumbass. >.<

My Chest Hurts

In the super cliche heart-achy way. Except without the romantic part, I’m just really fucking depressed.

I’ve been running in auto-pilot mode all day. I’m trying really hard to do shit that makes me feel better but mostly right now I’m running damage control and trying not to do the stabby things >.<

Goddamnit! I’ve been doing better recently too, I was going to finally post to day and be all happy and bubbly because I’ve been out doing normal people things.

I got my roots redone so my hair looks super-awesome again instead of pretty awesome. I went to the mall with my friend and bought a book and a tokidoki blindbox that had my new favorite figure


On the back he has a have you seen me poster with I think her name is Mozzarella? The cow girl without her machine gun, Which makes it cooler because I have her too.

I know they’re a gigantic waste of money but they’re so cute and make me happy opening them. I have donatella and the peach and the rainbow and mozzarella and choco and a hello kitty mozarella and I love opening the boxes! Cx

I already finished my book too, (I may or may not have immediately bought the sequel from amazon…..) so I can’t wait to read the next one.

I’m starting to feel better…. Talking about things that make me happy.

I’m pissed because I somehow deleted my youtube ideas list, right after I added like six awesome ideas that I can’t remember >.< But I think later today I’m going to record this really fun challenge that Zmashd did that I haven’t seen 80billion people do. I don’t like doing a bunch of challenges in a row but I’ve just been really out of it and busy and not even wanting to sit down and do shit, and it’s easier to record something fun and simple like tags and shit. I’m mad because yesterday I tried to do that outfit of the day, and because I don’t have a viewfinder I didn’t realize that you totally couldn’t see any of it >.< if I ever actually make money from youtube the first thing I’m going to do is save up for a camera with a view finder.

Speaking of, I think I am going to monetize my videos soon (adding the ad’s at the beginning) because I would have made an entire dollar so far. It’s funny how people assume that anyone who does youtube makes a shitload off of it, until you get really popular and partner with a company you get a grand total of a dollar per thousand views, I thought everybody knew that but I’ve seen a lot of bitchy comments about lack of content and shit. Like one of my favorite youtubers was working four jobs to make rent and everyone was getting rude about her not posting so much and she was like I’m sorry, believe me I’d love to post more, but I’m only sleeping four hours a night and food is a bit higher on my priority list.

Also I’m sorry for not replying to comments sooner, I’m not getting notifications on my phone anymore and I haven’t been on here much because of the business and sadnesses.

Day one of three for the quote challengededed by Zazzle

(No Titles Here)

The tuesday vood.

Ugh. I know, I suck at maintaining a writing schedule.

But in my defense, excuses.

In reality I just haven’t felt really into writing anything. Or doing anything for that matter…

I dunno I’m sort of depressed but mostly just apathetic. I wanna go into autopilot mode and do the bare minimum and then just check out and sleep. God I’m so fucking tired. It feels like.. I dunno…. I’m made out of something heavy. And it’s just so hard to move and do anything.

Yesterday I went to the mall (I’m trying to pick out a new perfume) and I kept having serious anxiety shit because I’m convinced everyone’s staring at me. This is fucking difficult because half the time I’m right, I have bright red hair, black clothes, and a baby. I kindof draw attention I guess. But that makes it worse because it just convinces me more that everyone is looking at me. It’s freaking me out. I almost had a full on panic attack, but I went into hot topic to hide and focus on my breathing. One of the reasons it’s my favorite store is because nobody looks at me funny. I don’t really stand out there. So the most I have to deal with is an employee I probably already know asking if I need help with anything and then leaving me alone. So it worked out as a good place to hide. Until I spent like $40 on a new skirt and a pair of adorable stockings/knee-high socks.

But I remembered how to breathe so I’m calling it even.

*sighs* I wish I could just never leave the apartment. I hate how scared I get. >.< Right now I’m trying to decide if a trip to walmart for groceries would help me out of this depressiony-anxiety bullshit or make it worse. But we need milk and food and popsicles so I think I’ll end up going regardless. I’m also really frustrated because I can’t think of anything to record for my youtubeys. I’ve only done one video this week, and I’m pretty much out of all of the back-log that I made myself >.<

I want to do the boyfriendy/husbandy tag with Josh but he’s been working a fuck ton lately and I don’t want to harass him with a camera when he’s trying to breathe.

I also want to do like outfit of the day type videos but I don’t have anyone to help with the camera-y shit so I’m trying to figure out a cute way to do that.

*UPDATE* I think I’m going to try to just keep it really simple like danger0usperson’s because that was cute and simple, but I thought up a few ways to make it slightly more funny and unique. So I’ll just have to find some uncopyrighted music that doesn’t suck shit and I’ll be set.

*buries my face in stitch*


I’m sorry I haven’t been posting much, I just don’t feel like I have much to say at the moment.