Tag Archives: life

Somethingggggg Words

Welp, now that things are getting settled not a lot has changed since last time.

Chase’s moped died so now I have to drive his dumb ass too and from work all the days.

But right now I wanna talk about something that’s still pretty newish for meh.

Ze Josh has comes out as gender-fluid (Sometimes he’s a guy and sometimes he’s a girl, simplest way to explain that.)

It’s weird because he’s usually so confident and sure of himself and now watching him try new things and go out of his comfort zone is both adorable and strange.

And also kindof frustrating. Because he sort of expects me to just know off the top my head how to make him look all cute and feminine (motherfuckers always cute, it’s just the feminine bit) Which is really irritating because I do want to help, and I try, but at the same time I don’t have to try to look girly, I just wake up and throw some eyeliner on, maybe a lipstick and call it good.

But I guess that’s good because it means we can explore and figure this shit out together. Which will be fun ❤

Although, that evil motherfucker. Wears the same pant size that I do. -.- if anything his hips are a little smaller than mine. It’s like YOU TINY FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU KNOW HOW HARD I WORK TO STAY THIS SIZE AND YOU JUST MARCH IN HERE WITH YOUR ITTY BITTY WAIST AND LOOK BETTER IN MY PANTS THAN I DO?!?!?!?!? T.T travesty.

*sniffles* okay I feel better now that I’ve gotten that out of the way.

Another plus side, Now I get to help pick out cute outfits Cx and he finally shaved his god-awful sideburns 😀

*Sighs* I don’t know, I’m happy and excited for him, getting to explore this side of himself, but at the same time it’s kindof weird emotionally for me. I don’t want to complain or make it seem like it’s this big awful thing for me, because I know it’s really hard on him. But it’s just, I dunno it’s really weird trying to help him out with shit. Not because I don’t want to, or because it bothers me, just because it’s really reaaaaally far from anything I ever expected to be doing with my husband you know?

I need to hold him down later today and measure him so we can buy a corset for his Halloween costume, which will also probably be the first time he goes full drag. The dress is soooooo pretty Cx I’m super jealous and need to find something amazing now.

So that’s what’s been up on my brain today. Oh yea also!

This is my entry for most creative/best hairs on instagrams. You doeshn’t have to but if you could leave a like or a comment on it that would be super ultra appreciatated<3


This Has Been Strange… O.o

Well, shit’s been weird and oddly eventful this weekend. I know I said I was going to write more frequently, and I am planning another post this week but I feel a bit more justified in my absence now.

We’ve adopted our first stray hooman. It sounds ridiculous butttt that’s pretty much what happened. We’d only met him once before at my disastrous birthday party. (We did hit it off then and had vague future-ish plans to hang out) When like Friday night Abby (The….ex…. more on her later.) hit up Josh saying that He’d been kicked out of his parents house, tried to kill himself, and was wandering around by himself. So naturally the next morning as soon as we find out where the fuck he was (barely a minute away from our apartment) Josh went and picked him up and he’s been staying here ever since.

Poor guy’s had a pretty shit life and he’s like the sweetest teddy bear ever so we’re trying to help him get his shit together and get a real job and his car back and the works. It’ll take time but I really want to help him out. So, Chase, the gigantic, stoner, teddy bear, who acts like a dumbass and a big bro, is soon to be officially living with us, and paying rent. In the meantime he’s been cleaning, which, honestly I might appreciate a bit more (I am the world’s worst housewife.) I think I like him so much because he reminds me a lot of my cousin, after he tried to get clean, before he turned into a condescending prick. So, the best cousiny days. He is a fucking dumbass though.

So then ensues a weekend of drinking and low-key partying with our other new bestest buddies, Charlie (super awesome funny trans man) and his long time friend ‘Drea (a sex goddess of unparalleled charm, who likes brothers Grimm and disney. Also looks like a suicide girl pinup…I might be crushin’) Who will I guess soon be having a baby together (they have an odd relationship) For which Josh will be donating the manly love-nectar, earning us permanent aunt and uncle status.

Yesterday we had our first “Family Dinner” with Charlie, Chase, Smidge, Josh, and I. It made me really happy because I’ve always been big on the “you make your own family thing” And now out of the blue, in like the span of a week, our family got really big really fast. It makes me smile because it just sort of fits. It’s weird but all of us weirdos just obviously belong together. I hope it lasts, because it’s been a while since I’ve been this happy Cx

It’s weird because I’ve been trying to figure out why I like all these guys so much when I’ve only just met them and I think I’ve finally got it, I feel comfortable with them. I don’t get that bad social anxiety, depressed to be near them shit. I’ve only ever felt that way with Josh before, and this is different, I mean, I don’t wanna fuck them (‘cept Drea ^_^) but they just feel like they belongs.

God I hope I’m not the only one that feels like this or else I’ll feel like a creepy stalker nut-case o.o

Also, Abby, Who shall henceforth be referred to as peasant, has been trying to stir shit in the background all fucking weekend (having had a background with both Josh and Chase) plus, she’s nuts. Aaaaaaand last night She and Josh got back together. There are no words to describe how I feel right now, and if there are, they’d be no-no words.

I’m trying to think of what else has been happening but nothing’s comin up at the moment…. So I shall leave you with this:


Also, Just a reference for how close we’ve gotten in the span of like a week, Smidge now has an Uncle Charlie and an Uncle Chase.

PSA: I’m Not Dead Yet

Close, but not quite. Actually no, I’ve been fairly decentish of late.

Soooo lemme seeeeee what’s newwwww

Josh’s not-quite-gf is no longer a thing, conflicting personality types combined with one epic fuck-up left that decidedly done, too bad she was fun to chill with.

I’ve gone and done more mod-y shit to myself.

I now have blue hair, a septum, and a pocket watch tattoo.

Septum and hairs.

awesome tattoo ❤

My tongue is still being split, and taking it’s damn sweet time about it. -.-

And I’m taking a break from youtubsie shit. I’m not deleting my channel, and I’ll post every once in a while. But it’s not super fun at the moment and it was stressing me out coming up with shit to post, when the whole point was it was supposed to be a hobby to de-stress. So I’ll get back to it eventually but not right now.

In the mean time I do want to post here more often. I don’t like how much I’ve been neglecting mah blog and my wordpressy friends so hopefully I’ll get back to posting a couple times a week again.

Also, I’ve been dicking around on tinder and okcupid, and I highly recommend it. Not for actually dating or anything, but for having a host of strange, terrifying, and interesting conversations. It’s a damned strange place the internet dating scene. Lots of fun for wasting time and having random conversations XD Anyway that’s all for right now,

I have to clean up some housey shit before I go out to swim with a mum friend (that I met on tinder XD, see? no romance but lots of funs)

In the meantime have a this:

Hopefully I’ll be posting again before the end of the week! 😀

Warning: Unashamed Selfie Whoring Ahead

Oh hey Alice (it is Alice right??? I’ll feel so stupid if I’ve been thinking it wrong this whole time o.o) I finally got around to my red eye look









Anyway of course I was instawhoring the fuck out of this makeup and decided to tag my favorite beautiest guru hannah hospital in one of them ’cause I used her lip tutorial. The amount of excitement I felt when she liked it rather sickened me. I fangirled like a thirteen year old o.o Why the fuck do I care so much?!?!? IM SUPPOSED TO NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHINGGGGGGG

Anyway not alot has happened this morning aside from me continuing to look adorable and playing with the smidget. We had dominos cheesy bread for breakfast because last night I hit a new low; I had just put Smidgey down for bed and decided I wanted a soda. Because there was no way in hell I was waking her up to go leave my apartment and interact with people to get it, I decided to order online and spend the minimum thirteen dollars just to get my fucking two liter of coke >.< I’m a bad human. But it is awesome cheesy bread soooooo *shrugs* I’m calling it even.

Anyway I shall skip off and continue to be a bootiful emo-goth princess now tittles and ttfn and all of the things people say good bye with!



*ahem* so that was filmed today.


This is my lovely new dress, but of course me being a midget it sits just under the knee in what I feel is a much more adorable fashion. I was upset because they didn’t have a small and the medium was just a scosh too big, but when I read the label and saw the cotton, don’t drier machine it warning I was happy and dried it and shrunkeded to just the absolute perfect size Cx

Also I’m still not feeling up to talking about my personal situation of weirdness yet, but I am happy and feeling a bit more comfortable with it now that it seems like things are settling down a little.

Also, this is going to seem very stupid and trivial but Josh said something last night that meant a lot to me. He basically told me he was going to stop “telling” me what to wear. I use the word telling incredibly loosely, I just couldn’t think of a better word. See, because we grew up in the conservative christian way that we did, He was kindof uncomfortable with some of the more unusual shit I like to wear, and since I cared about his feelings and appreciated the fact that he didn’t actually try to tell me what to wear or not to wear, I’d usually just change into shit that was more normal, because compromising and being considerate and all of that.

So yesterday, he was like yea, um sorry I always try to tell you what not to wear and shit, I want you to dress the way you want because you seem the most comfortable and confident when you do, and that’s most important to me. And that made me happy. But he shall soon be regretting it because my love of fishnets and all things mis-matched and neon shall soon come out to play *insert villainous smile and creepy palm-rubbing here*

Also, I’m frustrated because he’s been sent to fucking Roanoke to work on a derailment (read that as, I won’t be seeing him for at least a week, probably longer) I’m hoping he’ll be back in time for my birthday (he requested the day off because it’s a friday.) But after the last “only a few days” trip I’m not exactly counting on it >.< If that’s a case I’ll just harass someone to watch my kid while I get my nails done and buy frivolous things that I don’t need, but I’d much rather spend the day with him. *sighs* Time shall tells. In the mean time I’m going to booker my lil heart out and internet till my eyes bleed.


Also this picture really made me smile because I fucking hate seeing shit like that online that’s thinly veiled pro-ana teaching young girls who don’t know any better how to starve themselves and ruin their lives. It’s disgusting and as someone who struggles with this shit, it fucking hurts.

*cue full-fledged feminist rant, if you’re not into that stop reading.*

When I see pictures like that, the first thing that pops into my head is, wow they’re pretty. Which is fucked up because they’re almost always underweight girls sucking their barely existent stomachs in. (not badmouthing girls that are naturally thin, just stop insisting everyone look like that.)

Second off once you actually read the bullshit they’re saying, it’s flat out crazy. Last time I checked, everyone had hipbones. It’s basic anatomy. Unless you have some genetic condition and were born with half a torso, you have hipbones. Also, curvy girls have nice hips too! Seriously, they’re still there, just as visible, they just have more of a curve to them which I personally like better anyway.

Not everyone is physically capable of having a thigh-gap. It’s a genetic thing, not a weight thing. It depends entirely on the angle of your pelvis, and how wide your hips are. I happen to have one, does it grant me wishes or make me extra special? no. It’s mildly convenient in the heat because my legs don’t rub together as much. Also, to sort of further illustrate that it’s not a weight thing, I still had it when I was pregnant and 40 pounds heavier. IT DOESNT MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH. (plus in that photo you can tell she doesn’t actually have one, it’s all in the posing and they’re very easy to fake.)

Again, EVERYONE HAS COLLARBONES. Seriously wtf?!?!?!? Again, the way the picture is obviously posed, they’re jutting out five times more than they naturally sit. If you’re a healthy weight, I promise you have beautiful collarbones. (if you’re a bit overweight, I promise you have gorgeous boobies and hips that make up for slightly less prominent collar bones ^.^<3)

And the last picture of the flat stomach that again, is obviously being sucked in? WOMEN WEREN’T BUILT TO HAVE FLAT TUMMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!! All women are designed so that natural healthy body fat is more likely to sit around your stomach. It’s a fertility thing, a hormonal thing, the only way that’s going to not be there is if you are extremely naturally thin, or are starving yourself. Plus, Josh has mentioned on numerous occasions that he loves my tummy curves. (and he doesn’t generally like heavier women either. it’s about curves people.)

Seriously. Rock the body you’re built with because honestly most guys would rather have someone with curves than someone with a weight complex. And I guarantee that whatever body type you have, there’s a big selection of people of your preferred gender that are especially, specifically, into that.

God that shit pisses me off so much >.< Sorry I ranted. I’ll go now.

That was a fun tag to do. It took forever though o.o The unedited shit was over 20 minutes long…

Today.. I don’t really know what to write about today. I went to my mother in laws yesterday because she’s been kindof desperate for visits lately >.< but while I was in the area I got to stop by my library! I finally paid my fine and got a decent sized haul that I’ll hopefully be turning into a video later today or tomorrow. I hope I actually end up liking them

*sighs* I have life shit going on but I’m not quite ready to write it all out yet because I want to see how some shit plays out first. Plus the whole situation is a bit confusing and weird.

I miss Josh, he hasn’t had to travel anywhere but he’s been working so much it feels like I haven’t gotten to see him in forever

My tongue split is coming along pretty well. This shit takes forever but I’m making noticeable progress so that’s good.

Aside from that the Smidge is coming quite close to being threatened with the microwave again >.< It’s like she can sense that I’m burnt out and don’t have the energy to deal with her, so she’s taking advantage of it by getting into every single thing she possibly can.

I don’t really have anything else going on so I’m gunna hopefully post again tomorrow or maybe Friday.



Here’s my eyeball video

I’m sleepy. I wanna nap. But I’ve been in a pretty good mood today which is good.

I’m stalking the Jeffree star website since I wanna grab a nude now that I’ve found a lipstick that’s almost me-proof. But it also sucks because I want to buy all of the pretty colors that will be restocked tomorrow and I can’t. *sighs* I need to remember this the next time I’m about to spend 30 dollars on candles at target. Also they’re giving out hot cash right now Dx All of the pretty things I want to buy and can’ttttttt. So flustering. Oh wells.

The Smoodge has been cute today which is good. And I’m super happy because my dresslink order came in and I’m pretteh happy with the thingles.

I don’t know. I feel like I should be saying more right now but the clouds are turning my brain into sleep. It was super hot and melty for like two weeks and now everything is all beautifully cool and cloudy again and it’s been rainy and lovely but unfortunately it’s making me even sleepier than I usually am. I know I’m not the only one like that, who wants to just curl up and nap or read every time it gets cloudy out.

I still feel lazy though.

I need to figure out what to get Josh for father’s day. I’ve already picked out my Dad’s thing but Josh is doing his typical oh I don’t need anyyyyythinggggggg routine -.- It’s frustrating me. Especially since I want to get him something awesome. *sighs* Lots more plannings for me.

I couldddd get him the new Pierce the Veil album if they ever fucking released it. Seriously. I’m about ready to hunt those motherfuckers down and hold them hostage and knife point until they let me buy their mother fucking CD. We’ve been waiting for years now. -.- like two years but still. Years. It doesn’t help that they’ve mentioned in interviews that they’re like done writing and recording most of it too. It just keeps getting delayed because of the tours I think. GOD. Fuck all the things.

I feel like I always buy Josh cd’s anyway. *sighs* I just never know what the stupid little non-materialistic fucker wants.


I Say Things Maybe…

So this weekend was a thing. Josh was on call and he didn’t get called all weekend! So I hads the whole three days with mah babeh ♥ I was happeh.

We also spent the whole weekend doing pretty much nothing. It was perfect.

But now I have stuff bouncing around in my head. About the smoodge and when she grows up and stuff.

I guess it all sort of started last night because I was depressed for a bit and what I was fixating on this time is essentially worrying about whether or not Josh thinks I’m weird (He says no, I’m pretty sure he means yes but in an awesome way though.) Because when we first started talking I was the awkward geeky teen person who wants to be gothish but is too scared of what everybody already says about her so she settles for morbid-geekish.

Frizzy brown hair, clothes that either hide or just don’t flatter, lots of graphic tees if I remember rightish.

Stuff like that. I barely used any eyeliner. It’s depressing just thinking about it.

And now, because I’m slowly gaining confidence and losing all of my fucks-given, I’m starting to let my outside reflect a lot more of my inside. I’m not saying that I can’t be me without approximately three pounds of eyeliner, it’s just a lot easier and more fun.

So anyway, I worry about what the Josh thinks sometimes because I’m no longer a frizzy brown haired geeky person, but a mostly-tamed red-head with an obsession with body mods(my newest fixation is corset-training. this will have to wait till after I’m done reproducing though.), and black lipstick, and eyeliner, and you know, black anything.

It’s not that I’ve really changed who I am as a person much, I’m just gaining the confidence to express who I’ve always been.

All of that is to basically catch you up on this weekend, and preface the whole smidge thing.

How am I supposed to teach her to love herself, and to tell her that she’s beautiful just the way she is, when I wear my black makeup, dye my hair, pierce myself, and will probably sometime soonish be tattooed, without being a hypocrite?

I know I won’t be lying when I tell her she’s beautiful. The little shits one and already way too damn cute. With her daddy’s soft brown hair and smile, and her mummies pretty eyes, and complexion. I’m not bragging, but I think the odds of this kid growing up ugly are pretty slim.

But how do I make her know that when I’m changing my face, and how do I explain to her that I love my face the way it is, and I’m not trying to hide it.

I think it’s going to be tricky explaining the way I view makeup, body image, and loving yourself in general to her.

I think makeup is fun, a way to express yourself and be artistic, to show people who you are. But at the same time that it’s not necessary to put makeup on or to change yourself to feel and be beautiful. That natural beauty is just as real, and besides, there are more important things than being beautiful. It’s more important to be kind, compassionate, intelligent, and caring, than it is to be beautiful.

I love who I am, with or with out make up, even when my depursions makes it harder. It’s taken a really long time, and sometimes I still don’t think so, but I really do love myself. And I want to give that to my daughter.

I want her to love herself when she’s wearing makeup, when she’s not, when she’s having “fat days” and when she’s feeling on top of the world. That’s something my mom still doesn’t seem to understand. I think that made it harder to find it for myself, but I want to give it to Smidgey. I want to give her all the confidence and the self-love I can pound into her tiny, sassy ass.

Because the rest of the world is going to try to drag her down, I don’t want her to tear herself apart to.

I just hope I can explain that to her.

I’m bad at verbal communication though so the odds are that I’m going to muddle it all up.

Maybe I can just save this somehow and make her read it when she’s twelve after the first time one of her friends gives her shit for not shaving her legs….

I just want my baby girl to grow up knowing that she’s beautiful.


(This is not a title)

So I finally uploaded my piercing experience video, and I think after I do today’s update I’ll be done with my baby healing diary because it’s honestly mostly healed up. I know that piercings heal outside in, so even though it feels fine and normal I’m going to keep up with the aftercare, cleaning, and babying of it, but that’s mostly just common sense. I think I’m going to try to wait a good while before I go swimming.

I’m having a good day. A very lazy day though. I don’t know why I’m so tired because I slept like a little lump of sleep last night (I’d say like a baby or a log but babies never sleep, and neither do logs. Logic peoples.)

I got my makeup orders yesterday, everything but the Jeffery Star, and I LOVE ALL OF IT. All though I will say that Colour Pop’s bitchette is not very forgiving to the lipstick noob that is me…. It’s kindof kicking my ass. But I have a white powder foundation CX I’m in love. Josh kindof rolled his eyes and was like “that’s a little pale for you.” and I was just like duh, it’s a white powder. It’s just sad because honestly, my natural complexion isn’t much darker. I’m not kidding when I say that I glow in direct sunlight. I get a little halo of reflective white all around my arms and legs. But I like looking like a member of the undead armies so I’ve come to terms with it and now just need to master the art of being a pseudo-vegetarian vampire. I shall suck the blood of ALL THE TOMATOES.

Plus, JOSH’S FIRST CLOTHES PACKAGE CAME. I got a shirt and two pairs of leggings. I loved them! Cx I’m not kidding when I say that the shirt had already been on my amazon wishlist for like a year.


I had to dig back like 6 pages to find it. He even picked the right color! O.o evil magician.

Also because I’m lazy these skully leggings: http://www.amazon.com/Jollychic-Womens-Skull-Bodycon-Leggings/dp/B00F9RYKQO/ref=pd_sim_193_4?ie=UTF8&refRID=0KPVZQYR84PEEY9K3BKA

Which I shall wear underneath ALL THE SHORTS… as soon as it’s not 90,000,000,0000000 degrees outside….

and these I don’t know what to call them grey and pleathery leggings: http://www.amazon.com/Crazycity-Fashional-Leather-Legging-Tregging/dp/B00H7U2ZGI/ref=pd_sim_193_33?ie=UTF8&refRID=1Q5DAW9A3EB756KZRD78

Which are my least favorite because I like them, but I don’t know what I’m going to wear them with since they don’t match a lot of my stuff. But they are cute, I just might end up breaking my “I shall not wear leggings without covering the entirety of my ass” pledge. *shrugs* they’re thicker anyway so I have until late fall to either dig something out of my closet, or far more likely: buy a new army of clothes specifically chosen to match these leggings. ^.^ I have a problem and Josh is an enabler XD

I’m also happy because I actually went to Ulta yesterday! The smidge was sort of the deciding factor, she was being an asshole and I figured at least if she continued to scream at me in the car I could drown her out with the radio. But somehow being in the car calmed us both down and I managed to get to ulta and buy two setting sprays and even got to pick up a thing of batiste to try! And I still spent less than I would have on my old Urban Decay one. I did save the bottle though because UD’s spritzier is wayyyy better than the NYX one. And when I couldn’t find what I was looking for I asked for help! Well…the lady asked if I needed anything, but instead of pretending I was fine I actually asked my question! and made eye contact! I just felt stupid because I had literally just walked right past them -.- *sighs* oh well. I gots my shit and that’s what matters.

So that’s all I’ve got going on today’s and I’m abandoning you now. But first have a picyture:



So Today.

Shit’s happening.

Except not really because Smoodge is still asleep and I’ve accomplished nothinggggggg. Except I ate a very yummiful breakfast (veggie burger)

In keeping with usuals I don’t really have a point to this so prepare to be updated on the random shit bouncing aroung my nearly empty skull ^.^

This weekend, I binged. I binged long and hard. I ate approximately six donuts in 18 hours, I had two huge plates of pepper-jack covered arby’s fries, I ate cookie bars at the moother-in-laws, two huge helpings of strawberry shortcake at my moother’s as well as a huge ass monster, a sangria slushy from taco bell (praise be to the theoretically meat-based calorie gods, even if I’m boycotting theoretically meat-based products) as well as a huge-ass assortment of regular shit that I usually eat. For me this is a huge deal, because I’ve been eating so many vegetables and healthish foods for so long that the level of binging I achieved was physically painful. Seriously, I spent several hours this weekend in a ball on the couch moaning about how retarded I am. Just ask Josh. Plus, even though I didn’t gain much in the weight department I was supremely, disturbingly, bloated. I could’ve passed for a pregnant person because my tummy was just puffing out so much. Ugh. I’ve remembered why I don’t buy donuts. Also, I’ve had a very upset tummy and have had more bowel movements in this one morning than I usually do in about three days. (You should be used to my TMI’s now, there shall be no apologies.) So that’s also unpleasant. But at least I don’t look like I scarfed a soccer ball anymore.

Hmmmm other newsssss I’m an idiot and took off my bandaid at my parents house trying to show off my sparklies, and long story short their bandaids turned my skin into a fiery ball of holy-fuck-it-burns. So I’m leaving my stabbings open to air for the rest of today, even though I’m not supposed to.

I need to do laundry, start dishes, and generally try to subdue the typical weekend chaos.

I ran out of my makeup setting spray and am going to have to make a fucking trip to Ulta, because otherwise my cheap drugstore makeup won’t stay on for shittttt. Which sucks because I hate driving, and as much as I love makeup, I don’t love those stores. They’re cool but they kind of freak me out.

I should go wake up smidge because it’s 11 and she’s still asleep.

The mystery package Josh got me should be arriving today and I’m mad because I’m not allowed to open it till he comes home because he wants to see my reaction and if I actually like the clothes he picked for me or not. (I probably will, he’s surprisingly good at understanding my style and finding things I like.) But at the same time if I don’t like something I’m not one to lie and say I love it, I’ll tell him if I don’t because, honesty. And that way people know for the future and are more likely to do a better job next time they buy you a shit. I feel bad when I hurt peoples feelings, but I’d rather tell you my honest opinions. You know? That got random…. but CLOTHES.

I’m happy because all of my orders should be coming soon, I bought myself some colour pop to try and a Jeffree Star lipstick (Weirdo, thanks for asking, (it’s the black one.))


And I’m mad because my laptop isn’t scrolling right. I have the windows 8 with the touchy pad so when you use both fingers it’s supposed to scroll you up or down and I’m fucking irritated because it’s not scrolling and I have to use buttons again. -.- *high maintenance*

It’s funny because my sister wants her belly button pierced for her 16th birthday. And her boyfriend flown out from California. (So, absolute west coast, to absolute east coast. She does not understand the concept of money at all.) When I was sixteen I got a pair of Chuck Taylor’s and had a hormonal meltdown on Josh because I hated everything about life. I still hate most things about life, I just have a more positive outlook on everything that doesn’t involve interacting with humans.

I need to see if my favorite library has an ATM or a credit reader yet. I’m dying to go back but I have an embarrassing amount of fines and no cash…. I’m also a library snob who doesn’t like going to the one that’s literally five minutes away because they’re books are shittier than my baby library’s.

Maybe I could go to ulta’s get cash back and thennnnn go to my library….. No. Too much human. God.

I think my social anxieties might be getting worse. I don’t know what my problem is, but I avoid leaving the house without Josh at all costs. I’m usually okay if he’s there but just the thought of going out alone makes my chest tight, I get sweaty and itchy and hyper-ventilatey, and I don’t know.. As embarrassing as it is I just can’t. I freeze. I’m the same way about making phone calls. I think that’s part of the reason I like the internet, because I can see that there are other people out there like me that are just to scared go out by themselves.

But anyway, this is long and the kid is up so I’m going to take care of her and then maybe I’ll put on my big girl panties and go buy myself my makeup….


This made me smile.