Yea yea yea, excuses. Josh took a week off to celebrate his birthday and we were off dicking around in the meat world. We’ve both got new tattoos:
My Annabel Lee tat (Josh is gunna get the rest of that verse: “Neither the angels in heaven, nor the demons under the sea, could ever dissever- my soul from the soul- of the beautiful Annabel Lee.) I really connected with my part though because I’m big on the whole young stupid forever love thing.
Josh’s don’t be fooled by the picture, that shits bigggg it took like 6 hours and I have no idea how he wasn’t crying because ribs are a bitch and I was dying the whole 30-45ish minutes mine took. It looks sick as fuck I just wish she wasn’t so ice-queen.
Anywhore what I want to talk about now: I’m pretty sure David and Jonathan were lovers. Bible David and Jonathan. I first heard the theory like a few weeks ago and was like, sounds plausible but I’m not buying into that shit until I have time to really look into it. So being a bored little book nerd I finally got around to looking into it. And I think it sounds probable.
So that. I poked around that bibley book a bit on my own, read the arguments against, and here ish mah thoughts:
I don’t interpret the kissing to be of the homeo-inclined because if you actually read the bible lots of hetero dudes be swapping spit, I guess it was(is?) like a middle-eastern thing.
When David married Michael (no, she was a girl.) Saul said something to the effect of “now your 2 joined to my family” Butttt because of translation problems and the fact that this was written ohhhhh several thousands of years ago, it’s not really clear if he meant because of A.) Davids prior engagement to a different daughter B.) the fact that Michael was the second daughter or C.) He had a thing goin on with the Jonathans, and this would be a second tie in.
Still not really swayed but continuing to read,
There aren’t any super strong arguments against them being a couple aside from NU-UH DAVID WAS ALREADY MARRIED TO A WOMAN, SO THEY COULDN’T BE MARRIED AND YOU’RE PERVERTING THE BIBLE TO FIT YOUR OWN AGENDA YOU DIRTY PERVERTS
But you know *shrugs*
Anyway, what I did find that actually swayed my opinion to the luscious laddy lovin’s and away from my typical chaotic neutral stance was this:
1 Samuel 18:1 Now it came about when he had finished speaking to Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself.
Usually when the bible refers to knitting souls, it tends to be of the romantic persuasion, or at least incrediblyyyyy passionate. So that was a big +1 to team Davithan, and also this:
2 Samuel 1:26 “I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; You have been very pleasant to me. Your love to me was more wonderful Than the love of women.
Which seems pretty gosh darn sweet to me. so that’s +2.
Neither side really has much evidence to support their theory, and the only reason it would be a huge deal is because everyone tries to turn David into like the bibles golden boy, Yea he was after god’s own heart but the man was a wicked slut or shall we say it like the kids these days and call him a *fuckboy*
Seriously like every other problem in that dudes life was caused by him being a total whore so it’s not really hard for me to imagine him banging yet another person.
Of course they weren’t married because in biblical times you could only get married to the opposing set of genitals, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t love each other, I mean they had a “strong covenant” between eachother. (funny side note, main biblical requirements for marriage is a public covenant between god, and hoomans, that you love said person.)
So I mean, I’m not betting my life or anything serious on it, but this theory does make sense to me and it wouldn’t surprise me if they were as southpark so eloquently put it “butt-buddies”
Now I get to theorize which was Seme (David) and which was Uke (Jonathan)….
I don’t think it really matters either way but you know, now if/when my pervy ass squeazes into heaven I have yet another question for what’s already quite a long list.
What do you think? Too heretical for the Biblical Golden Boy to be Bi? Ehh whatever now I’m off to read Alice Through the Looking Glass while Chassifer tries to bone and Josh is out drinkin with Charleston.
Also, Josh and I are rating playboy girls on fuckability, tis quite the enjoyable pastime, I definitely recommend