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The tuesday vood.

Ugh. I know, I suck at maintaining a writing schedule.

But in my defense, excuses.

In reality I just haven’t felt really into writing anything. Or doing anything for that matter…

I dunno I’m sort of depressed but mostly just apathetic. I wanna go into autopilot mode and do the bare minimum and then just check out and sleep. God I’m so fucking tired. It feels like.. I dunno…. I’m made out of something heavy. And it’s just so hard to move and do anything.

Yesterday I went to the mall (I’m trying to pick out a new perfume) and I kept having serious anxiety shit because I’m convinced everyone’s staring at me. This is fucking difficult because half the time I’m right, I have bright red hair, black clothes, and a baby. I kindof draw attention I guess. But that makes it worse because it just convinces me more that everyone is looking at me. It’s freaking me out. I almost had a full on panic attack, but I went into hot topic to hide and focus on my breathing. One of the reasons it’s my favorite store is because nobody looks at me funny. I don’t really stand out there. So the most I have to deal with is an employee I probably already know asking if I need help with anything and then leaving me alone. So it worked out as a good place to hide. Until I spent like $40 on a new skirt and a pair of adorable stockings/knee-high socks.

But I remembered how to breathe so I’m calling it even.

*sighs* I wish I could just never leave the apartment. I hate how scared I get. >.< Right now I’m trying to decide if a trip to walmart for groceries would help me out of this depressiony-anxiety bullshit or make it worse. But we need milk and food and popsicles so I think I’ll end up going regardless. I’m also really frustrated because I can’t think of anything to record for my youtubeys. I’ve only done one video this week, and I’m pretty much out of all of the back-log that I made myself >.<

I want to do the boyfriendy/husbandy tag with Josh but he’s been working a fuck ton lately and I don’t want to harass him with a camera when he’s trying to breathe.

I also want to do like outfit of the day type videos but I don’t have anyone to help with the camera-y shit so I’m trying to figure out a cute way to do that.

*UPDATE* I think I’m going to try to just keep it really simple like danger0usperson’s because that was cute and simple, but I thought up a few ways to make it slightly more funny and unique. So I’ll just have to find some uncopyrighted music that doesn’t suck shit and I’ll be set.

*buries my face in stitch*

Ugh.

I’m sorry I haven’t been posting much, I just don’t feel like I have much to say at the moment.