So Today.

Shit’s happening.

Except not really because Smoodge is still asleep and I’ve accomplished nothinggggggg. Except I ate a very yummiful breakfast (veggie burger)

In keeping with usuals I don’t really have a point to this so prepare to be updated on the random shit bouncing aroung my nearly empty skull ^.^

This weekend, I binged. I binged long and hard. I ate approximately six donuts in 18 hours, I had two huge plates of pepper-jack covered arby’s fries, I ate cookie bars at the moother-in-laws, two huge helpings of strawberry shortcake at my moother’s as well as a huge ass monster, a sangria slushy from taco bell (praise be to the theoretically meat-based calorie gods, even if I’m boycotting theoretically meat-based products) as well as a huge-ass assortment of regular shit that I usually eat. For me this is a huge deal, because I’ve been eating so many vegetables and healthish foods for so long that the level of binging I achieved was physically painful. Seriously, I spent several hours this weekend in a ball on the couch moaning about how retarded I am. Just ask Josh. Plus, even though I didn’t gain much in the weight department I was supremely, disturbingly, bloated. I could’ve passed for a pregnant person because my tummy was just puffing out so much. Ugh. I’ve remembered why I don’t buy donuts. Also, I’ve had a very upset tummy and have had more bowel movements in this one morning than I usually do in about three days. (You should be used to my TMI’s now, there shall be no apologies.) So that’s also unpleasant. But at least I don’t look like I scarfed a soccer ball anymore.

Hmmmm other newsssss I’m an idiot and took off my bandaid at my parents house trying to show off my sparklies, and long story short their bandaids turned my skin into a fiery ball of holy-fuck-it-burns. So I’m leaving my stabbings open to air for the rest of today, even though I’m not supposed to.

I need to do laundry, start dishes, and generally try to subdue the typical weekend chaos.

I ran out of my makeup setting spray and am going to have to make a fucking trip to Ulta, because otherwise my cheap drugstore makeup won’t stay on for shittttt. Which sucks because I hate driving, and as much as I love makeup, I don’t love those stores. They’re cool but they kind of freak me out.

I should go wake up smidge because it’s 11 and she’s still asleep.

The mystery package Josh got me should be arriving today and I’m mad because I’m not allowed to open it till he comes home because he wants to see my reaction and if I actually like the clothes he picked for me or not. (I probably will, he’s surprisingly good at understanding my style and finding things I like.) But at the same time if I don’t like something I’m not one to lie and say I love it, I’ll tell him if I don’t because, honesty. And that way people know for the future and are more likely to do a better job next time they buy you a shit. I feel bad when I hurt peoples feelings, but I’d rather tell you my honest opinions. You know? That got random…. but CLOTHES.

I’m happy because all of my orders should be coming soon, I bought myself some colour pop to try and a Jeffree Star lipstick (Weirdo, thanks for asking, (it’s the black one.))


And I’m mad because my laptop isn’t scrolling right. I have the windows 8 with the touchy pad so when you use both fingers it’s supposed to scroll you up or down and I’m fucking irritated because it’s not scrolling and I have to use buttons again. -.- *high maintenance*

It’s funny because my sister wants her belly button pierced for her 16th birthday. And her boyfriend flown out from California. (So, absolute west coast, to absolute east coast. She does not understand the concept of money at all.) When I was sixteen I got a pair of Chuck Taylor’s and had a hormonal meltdown on Josh because I hated everything about life. I still hate most things about life, I just have a more positive outlook on everything that doesn’t involve interacting with humans.

I need to see if my favorite library has an ATM or a credit reader yet. I’m dying to go back but I have an embarrassing amount of fines and no cash…. I’m also a library snob who doesn’t like going to the one that’s literally five minutes away because they’re books are shittier than my baby library’s.

Maybe I could go to ulta’s get cash back and thennnnn go to my library….. No. Too much human. God.

I think my social anxieties might be getting worse. I don’t know what my problem is, but I avoid leaving the house without Josh at all costs. I’m usually okay if he’s there but just the thought of going out alone makes my chest tight, I get sweaty and itchy and hyper-ventilatey, and I don’t know.. As embarrassing as it is I just can’t. I freeze. I’m the same way about making phone calls. I think that’s part of the reason I like the internet, because I can see that there are other people out there like me that are just to scared go out by themselves.

But anyway, this is long and the kid is up so I’m going to take care of her and then maybe I’ll put on my big girl panties and go buy myself my makeup….


This made me smile.


  1. Aww, a surprise package sounds so cute! I’ll bet he does great. ^.~
    Heh, I bought myself Hello Kitty pajamas for my 16th birthday. xD
    I wish you luck with your make-up adventures! I just use a light spritz of hairspray on my face if I reeeeally need it. Keeps my eyebrows in place pretty well too ;D


  2. I used to have social anxiety as well. Thank God I grew out of that. Now I love being around people. And the whole phone thing…I’m an assistant manager, so I always have to make phone calls and answer the phone at work, it helped me get over the whole phone issue.


    1. I’m not trying to be rude, and I apologize if I sound argumentative. But if you just “grew out” of your social anxiety, you didn’t actually have social anxiety disorder, you’re just an introvert. Mental disorders can be managed but they don’t just disappear. If you worked on it and took steps to actively improve your ability to handle it, that makes sense and I understand. But if you just woke up one day and were fine then I personally don’t believe that counts as having an anxiety disorder. People go through phases and I’m a bit touchy about calling things disorders lightly. I really am very sorry if I sound rude, but I really don’t think you understand that my mental problems aren’t just part of me being an introvert going through a phase, and I’m not just going to grow out of being anxious, panicked, and depressed. I understand people have different perspectives based on their experiences, but please be considerate of my point of view?


      1. I wasn’t trying to be disrepectful to your point of view I was merely sharing my personal experience. And maybe using “grow out” of it was the wrong term to use because it wasn’t something that happened over night, it took years to change. And I still deal with panic attacks in public where I have to walk away from situations, but I have found ways to deal with it and still be around people.


      2. See that I understand, I’m a bit sensitive about these sort of topics, so I wasn’t trying to be rude, I just wanted to understand. And yes, I have been working on it and trying to force myself out more, it’s just very very difficult for me.


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