Does This Make Me Crazy?

Okay….so I’m about to make myself sound like a complete headcase right now. But do other people have moments when they’re listening to music and they just want to scream? Not from sheer awesomeness of music or being swept up in a song, but if you hear the first few notes of a song and it just makes you want to rip your hair out and scream at the top of your lungs until you physically can’t anymore? No… I’m not talking about Taylor Swift (that’s a totally sane and rational response to that shit) I mean like I’ll just be listening to music and a new song will come on, or even a different part of the same one, and it just resonates in such a way that I feel like I need to scream and sometimes throw things. No? It’s just me? Okay then…. I kindof figured.

I don’t know… this actually seems to happen more with music that I like…

*I’m about to sound like a spiritualist voodoo hippy*

I think it’s because of the power and energy in music. I mean, I believe that the more power you believe something has, the more power it’ll have over you. That’s why that “I’m a badass goth kid” in a pentagram shirt probably isn’t a real satanist, and is probably an atheist or at most agnostic, and why some people are more impacted by certain things. Like I believe music is really really powerful. I believe that the emotions felt when a song was written and created can be profoundly felt by the people listening to it. Maybe that’s why I react more to some artists than I do others… Like for example: Pink Floyd, I completely and totally adore their music, It’s just breathtakingly amazing, but I can’t listen to them for more than a few minutes at a time. I remember one time I listened to the whole The Dark Side Of The Moon and I seriously almost killed myself. I think the reason it doesn’t bother other people is because they don’t believe it can. But I value my ability to feel things, and I feel like if you listen to music without letting it move you, you’re missing the whole point. I just happen to listen to a lot of music that moves my brain to dark places. Thus, wanting to scream.

What brought on this awkward morbid rambling? I was on youtube (shock and horror) and I felt like listening to music (shock and horror) I feel the need to briefly explain this first so it makes slightly more sense:

I’ve loved classic rock pretty much before I even knew what music was, It’s just what my parents agreed on in the car/house and it’s the only music my mum ever listens to that doesn’t make me cringe. However, I don’t like saying I’m a fan, or buying shirts or merch of these bands because since I always heard it on the radio, I never knew who sung what. So I pretty much just knew Queen and Bon Jovi. But I know that I like a lot more than that, and wanted to start clarifying who sings what so I can buy retro hipster tee’s without feeling like one of those typical “oh em geezus I’m so hipster in my nirvana shirt, wait who’s kurt cobain????” yea one of those douchebags

. *So continuing my explanation* I cued up the (you guessed it) Nirvana playlist, and to my surprise not only is the very first song one of my long time loves (Lithium, shocking, but now I know what it’s called.) but it’s also one of those makes me want to scream and throw myself into a wall sort of moments. Which I guess it makes sense that the man who wrote beautiful lyrics and killed himself made me *ze person with depressions and suicidal thoughts* feel, shall we say, triggered.

It just bothers me because this is a very common occurrence with me. And it’s not exactly specific songs either, or I’d just avoid those. Like one day a song will make me want to scream, and the next time I hear it, it’ll make me want to dance and sing. Some artists have music that I generally find more triggering, but in general it’s just so so random *dramatic sighs of frustration* So am I the only one that loves listening to music that makes me want to die?

But hey, at least now I can honestly say I’ve been a die-hard Nirvana fan since I was like six.

*Next Stop Courtney Love and Depeche Mode* (actually if you happen to be a fan of that sort of thing and know the names of classic rock-y alternative music, let me know because I probably like it, I just don’t know what it’s called.)


This Person, I do not want to ever be this person.

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