Things You Probably Don’t Know About Babies If You’re A Teen Girl Who Quit Babysitting Over A Year Ago #2:

Quiet is bad. Very very bad. *sighs* I’m also probably the worst mother in the history of awful negligent mothers. What happened?

Well Saturday the smidge was happily playing on the floor with another dirty sock (I give up on making her play with real toys). And I decided to use this small quiet opportunity to do my deodorant/makeup/hygiene thing. So she was making just enough noise for me to know that she was not dead and was playing with something crinkly. I quickly applied my eyeliner to one eye and decided to actually turn around and look at her while it was drying (making sure she’s okay and all that) and then I was confronted with this:


What is that, besides a tiny adorable skeleton baby you ask? Well, my friend, that would be my tiny evil Smidge eating two fistfuls of Reese’s minis, leftover from Halloween movie binging. That child managed to cross the room, grab the candy, OPEN THE SEALED BAG (seriously wtf?!?! how is that possible, she can’t even sit up!!) and eat the forbidden chocolate/peanut-butter combo.

Aside from almost giving me a heart-attack, and giving her self a really bad stomach-ache, she was completely totally fine. (Thank GOD). But yes, The Smidge  loves Reese’s (duh, who doesn’t?) She had the hugest grin I’ve ever seen and if the child could talk I swear she would have been singing “look at the yummy chocolate I stole, It tastes so much yummier ’cause I’m not ‘spossed to have any, It is fuckin gooooooood”  Because my daughter is evil and wants to kill me.

Josh was left with the wonderful task of peeling me off the ceiling and forcing me to calm the fuck down and breathe. I feel bad for him because that was no small thing. I was practically hyper-ventilating, and trying not to cry because we had to take her to the hospital because she was allergic and then CPS would take my baby away because I’m obviously a horrible mother who feeds their 7 month old peanut butter. No joke…..

Of course she was fine, No one on either side of our families has a peanut allergy and she only ate two baby handfuls. Aside from a seriously upset tummy the next day, She had a total blast and spent the next several hours going after the bag of Snicker’s. Have I mentioned my baby is evil?????

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